An Interview with Nicole Daedone of OneTaste

Q.  So that I can tee this up properly, would you mind first telling us what is OneTaste so we have the right context.

A. OneTaste is a company redefining the way women (and men) relate to female orgasm and pleasure.  We teach a practice called Orgasmic Meditation, a partnered sexuality practice focused on the female genitals for 15 minutes. Through this practice, people experience deeper intimacy, sensation and connection to their partners, bodies,sex and orgasm.

Q. How do most (many) people think of orgasm versus what it can be with a little deeper attention and understanding?

A. Orgasm, as it exists in our cultural mindset is one small moment (what we at OneTaste call climax) often the end goal of a sexual experience.  We think of “having” an orgasm, rather than noticing the sexual, or orgasmic energy that permeates the whole experience.  At OneTaste, we think of it not as something to have, but rather something to be inside of.  Orgasm is the energy that creates the sexual experience.  The climax is only one small part of the whole. Another way to look at it would be to consider climax as a spark and orgasm as the fire that spark is born from.

Q. Tell me about a world where people took the time to really focus on this area – say the way they block out time for the gym or dining?

A. I LOVE this question.  Our sexuality, just like any other part of our human experience, should be given care, time and attention.  We do this for our intellect in the form of work, creative process, reading and other hobbies.  We do this for our physical body in terms of eating, exercising and sleeping.  Some of us do this with our emotions by hiring a coach or seeing a therapist.  Our sex should be no different; it is key to our experience as humans and yet we keep it hushed up, in the dark, full of taboo and shame.

If people were to take on OM as a practice, the world would look just about the same, only a brighter – a  better version of what we experience now. The world would go from black & white to color. So, imagine the way you feel after a great makeout, where your senses are more awake, your critical self is a bit more at rest and your willingness to be more a part of the present moment  is amplified – and extend that into all moments of your life. Imagine everyone feeling like this all the time. What you might find is that all of the distractions (food, drugs, shopping, arguing, isolation) we use to dull our senses, because we feel disconnected, would begin simply, quietly to fall away, because they would no longer be necessary.

Q. For some reason if I quickly think about four words right at this very moment I come up with Stress, Release, Breathing, Health.  Why do you think I associated these words immediately?

A. It’s likely that you tuned into me, if such a crazy thing is possible. These things have unquestionably been my focus of late. I’ve been working with Dr. Sara Gottfried, an amazing Harvard trained MD and together we’re looking at this epidemic of low vitality caused by stress in the culture and how the release of hormones through orgasm can remedy its myriad symptoms. Perhaps the word breath comes to mind because in my mind’s eye, when i see a woman having her first OM, it’s invariably some version of watching her exhale in a way she hasn’t been able to exhale for years. Finally she can let go of something she hasn’t known how to let go of.

Q. I’d like to ask you to give a piece of advice to four groups of people.  Young couples, single women, single men, and long-time married couples. Is it the same commentary for all of them or slightly different?

A. OM is like the secret ingredient that when added to almost anything can make it better.  While I may recommend different OM “regimens” to people in these different categories, always based on their particular desire, OM is neutral yet powerful enough to help couples of any age to deepen connection, learn about the other person and create a bond that is fuller and richer.

For single men, I would say that there’s nothing more powerful than learning to be a friend to women. It’s a skill that benefits you whether you’re single or coupled. So, rather than all of these fancy new fangled ways of finding a partner, I would suggest that you learn how to be a friend. Genuinely, the best way to learn to be a friend to a women is to be an ally in her opening her sexual power. If a man is willing to be an instrument in this way, the level of intimacy between him and a woman will transcend any particular type of relationship. When my first OM partner introduced the practice to me, he simply said “I have a mindful sexuality practice I’d like to share with you.” He went on to describe how I would take my pants off, but his clothes would stay on. That we would both place our attention on my orgasm for 15 minutes and afterwards would talk about the experience. Finally that he would expect nothing in return. For me, this was radical and undeniable. It was my first experience of this kind of friendship.

If I could say one thing to women, it would be “ask”. It would be to recognize the depth of desire that exists in your body and recognize that it won’t go away through lack of use or pretending it’s not there. And then, muster whatever courage you can and set about to asking for what you want. It may be a clunky mess, possibly embarrassing, but eventually will turn out to be the key to your power. In this, you’ll want to practice the four stages of having – Knowing what you want, asking for what you want, receiving what you want, and acknowledging what you receive.

For young couples I often see a tendency to want to “protect” a partner from what is true for you. There is a truth that exists in our minds that we often keep from our partners – they are thoughts we think at night in bed, alone in the shower, driving to work.  We all know them – the moment when someone flirted with you and your temperature rose; or how your partner  touched you in a way that you didn’t like, but you pretended it turned you on. In my opinion, the practice of relationship is ultimately to know your partner and to be known by them – and this entails revealing the truth of those moments. It is a practice, something we’re always working at, not a static linear experience. These moments that invite truth telling will either be your tools or your weapons.They will either be what you use to construct a lifelong relationship or build walls against intimacy.

For long married couples: my experience is that people who have been married for a long time often suffer from a lack of novelty; it’s not that the novelty doesn’t exist, but the eye that once saw it has grown dull. My suggestion to couples in this place is to start small in discovering the lover inside of your partner that you’ve forgotten. At night, before you go to bed, simply exchange one secret desire with each other. Say nothing afterwards, but thank you. Your partner shares one, you say thank you.  You say one, your partner says thank you.   No more, no less.   Then, rest well in the knowledge that you are re-creating intimacy. From there, you have a whole new range of play and turn on to work with. Truth is the ultimate turn on.

Q. I was going over your website http://www.onetaste.us – What is the “oral tradition of extended orgasm?

A.   There have always been groups of people throughout cultures that know things about the human experience that aren’t expressed in a conventional context.  Extended orgasm is possible for everyone, but is rarely discussed, let alone taught, in any kind of real way that can improve people’s lives and well being.  I am lucky to have come across these teachings in my life and want everyone to benefit from what I know – and that is that orgasm can be a life changing practice that deepens and enriches all parts of who we are.  I took 10 years to practice and integrate this knowledge into my own life – the synthesis of which I present in my book “Slow Sex”.

Q. Can you give me an anecdote of a person or a couple that you’ve seen transformed (or at least awakened) by what they learned in this arena.

A. Hormones can be a wonderful but flighty friend. Practice is your loyal companion who will see you through thick and thin. A couple whom I recently worked with had been married for 4 years. While the beginning of their relationship had been ignited with heat, over time they began to feel  like strangers to  each other. Outside of the intoxication of their early days together, they couldn’t find their common interest and connection. Without the rush of attraction and bonding hormones, they felt dull. The OM practice provided an arena through which they could come together and deliberately cultivate connection, heat and intimacy.  They found a sustainable way to keep their connection alive and potent.

Q. What’s the worst that can happen?

A.  The worst that can happen is that people try OM with an exact expectation.  OM does a LOT to awaken sex drive, create more intimacy and have women (re)connect with their sexual selves.  However, going into any practice – yoga, sitting meditation, martial arts – with a goal can often not have you see all that you are gaining from the experience outside of your goal.  Take yoga for example:  If your sole purpose is to do a perfect handstand and all your practice goes into perfecting and strengthening your arm muscles and core strength to get to that handstand, you may miss the flexibility you’ve gained in your hips, or how your hamstrings have elongated, how the back pain you used to have has suddenly disappeared.  Even so, the most you have to lose is 15 minutes, so why not try it and see?

Thanks Nicole for being interviewed here on Anthidote!

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What kind of change would I like to see in the world in 2011?

Going into the new year, I have given some thought to what sort of change I would like to see in the world in 2011 and beyond and as always in line with the theme of rational thinking and living well, I’d like to share the following.

On Government:

I would like to see people worldwide finally understand that they should not look to government to solve every aspect of their lives.  Governments by and large ultimately do more harm than good in most cases because politicians seem to always not see the unintended consequences of their decisions.

We need limited government in our lives not ubiquitous government.  Particularly in the USA we have a Constitution that gives specific and enumerated abilities to Congress and no more.  Our American government today is in some cases so far beyond the scope of what is supposed to do that it is criminal.

The default nature of man is freedom.  Governments get in the way of freedom.  Even “free” governments like here in the USA are far from it (you’re going to tell me how much salt I can eat and what kinds of light bulbs I can have in my house?)  Why?  What business is is of a bureaucrat thousands of miles away to determine what my diet should be like?

In 2010 we’ve seen government stick its fingers into almost every aspect of our lives from healthcare to banking to industry to regulations (and over regulations).  The fact of the matter is that the less government in your life the better your life.  Look at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.  Certain politicians like Barney Frank fought for these institutions to loan money to people that could not pay these loans back and caused the entire housing market to collapse.

Government has no business being in the arts, nor bailing out automobile companies or taking over insurance companies, nor regulating how many men or women or white or black people there must be at some office or school – just to name a few.

Governments waste more money they you can even imagine.  You work, you pay your taxes, and then your government thinks it is an appropriate use of your taxes to fund the most ridiculous projects from Alaska to Florida and beyond.  Why you should have to be forced to fund projects that have nothing to do with the proper and legitimate function of your government?

The change I would like to see in 2011 is that more and more people continue to understand that they can vote out of office and out of power those who do not serve the country properly.  November 2010 was a great start and in 2012 a good 30% of the Senate is up for reelection – as is Barack Obama (who I firmly believe and hope is destined to become a one term President)

On Barack Obama:

How can I not mention Barack Obama specifically?  We’ve just been through two years under the “leadership” of Barack Obama ans it has been utterly shameful if not outright disastterous.

When he was running for office he talked about “Hope” and he talked about “Change”.  They were empty platitudes and millions of people looked up to this man as the white knight that was going to “save” America.  Remember this video?

We were warned about him time and again but it was useless, he was going to win the race and become President.  He promised to “fundamentally transform” America and many Americans thought that this meant for the better (who wouldn’t?).  I mean any Presidential candidate that says he wants to change America surely means for the better right?  Not in the case of Obama….you have to keep in mind his point of reference.  He is such a non-fit for the office of President of the USA and he is such a non-fit in terms of syncing with the psyche of the American that he almost seems like a trojan horse, put there seemingly as a thoughtful leader who ultimately and deliberately undermines what makes America exceptional.

When Rush Limbaugh famously said that “I hope he fails” when he was asked about the new President he was excoriated but he was dead on.  When your agenda is redistribution of wealth and equality simply for the sake of it not by helping to raise the bottom but instead by lowering the top, he must fail indeed.

Ironically the best thing that may have ever happened to the USA in recent times is the election of Barack Obama.  Only thanks to him have the American people woken up in droves and have started to understand that elections have consequences.  Only thanks to Barack Obama have Americans started to actually take a look at what are the specific and enumerated powers that the Constitution gives to Congress.

Thankfully as we’ve seen in the recent November mid-term elections, the tide is turning.  Barack Obama had two virtually uninterrupted years with full control of the House, the Senate and the White House to jam his insane policies down the throats of all Americans whether we wanted it or not (Obamacare for example).  Kings do that, not Presidents.  Thanks to Obama and specifically thanks to his maniacal drive for socialized medicine, Americans have seen the light and understand that there is no free lunch, nor should there be.   I saw a billboard over Christmas that said “It’s We The People, Not You The President”.  That sort of nails it.

In short, I think Barack Obama is undermining the United States and is trying to remake it in his version of how things should be completely disregarding the Constitution and millions of Americans who want nothing of his program.  Let’s hope that 2011 brings more of the course correction as the next Presidential election will start to heat up this year and there are millions of Americans who are highly motivated to make Obama the next Carter.

On Taxes:

Taxes are too high and the money that is collected is used for too many wasteful projects.  Taxes represent your time and life and in the USA you have to work approximately to May 1st to cover your tax bill.  That’s 5 months.  There are taxes in everything from gasoline to property to hotel stays and on and on.  And that’s on top of the income tax.

I would love to see 2011 be there year that people in the USA understand that taxing income is a losing game.  The more you tax income the less achievement you get.  All politicians know this – even Barack Obama knows this – so much does he know this that when asked about how to get more revenue into the government he responded with an answer to the effect that of course lowering income taxes will generate more revenue for the government, but he wants to “even the playing field”.

Politicians use taxes as a mean to control behavior – buy this car or that HVAC system and get a tax write off.  Contribute here but not there and get a tax write off.  It goes on and on.  If we can get off the income tax system and onto a consumption tax system we can still cover the revenue needed while taking the power out of the hands of politicians to control behavior.  Wouldn’t it be nice if you earned $10,000 and you kept it all?

I heard Obama say that he thinks we should give tax breaks like student loan forgiveness to people who go into public service.  Why?  What is so special about going into public service?  You go into a place for the taxpayers have to support you and that’s supposed to be lauded?  How about if we give tax breaks to entrepreneurs that employ others?  It creates jobs, grows the economy, and doesn’t lean on the taxpayer.  It seems that our tax system is all upside down – there are 54,000 pages in the US Tax Code.  WTF? – we need 54,000 pages to set up a system of funding the government?

On Fairness

2010 seemed to be the year of discussing fairness.  What is fair, what is not fair.  Seemingly everywhere we turned we got some earful about how wealth is unequally distributed (as if wealth is not earned but doled out from some central source).  We heard about how it’s not fair that some people have millions of dollars while others work three jobs.  We heard it was not fair that some CEO makes tens of millions of dollars while the lowest employee on the payroll earns so much less.

I’d rather ask it the other way around.  Is it “fair” that we should tax you more because you’re capable of producing more?  What is fair about that?  Is it fair that we should tax the founder of some company that employs a hundred people more simply because he made it?  Is it fair that we should assume that the weight of responsibility on the CEO equal to that of the lowest employee on the payroll.  Why does the CEO of Exxon earn what he earns?  Could it be because he’s worth it?  Could you handle that gig? Think about it.  Instead of wealth envy, how about considering the fact that these situations almost always involve private companies with private citizens with private boards of directors that decide how their officers are to be compensated.  How in the world does that affect you or anyone?  You may think some people are paid too much but a.) it’s none of your business and b.) if he or she was not worth it their boards would resolve that fast.

I”ll tell you what’s not fair.  That the CEO of Fannie Mae, an organization funded by taxpayers that all but decimated the USA economy saw it’s CEO rake in $90 million in compensation while sending millions of dollars in campaign contributions to lawmakers – and the top 3 to receive these funds where no less than Chris Dodd, Barack Obama, and John Kerry – the three guys who are always telling the rest of us what is fair and what is not.  Where is the outrage here?  Politicians are always telling us that big evil corporations that are not public entities are evil but somehow they miss this one.

What’s fair is to leave people alone to achieve what they can achieve and not penalize them for achieving more.  It is not fair to confiscate from the capable just because they’re capable.  If you steal $100 off the kitchen table of your neighbor you’re a thief but if you use the tax code to do the exact same thing somehow you’re compassionate.  Sorry, I don’t think so.

On Social Security:

Social Security is nothing less than a ponzi scheme.  What social security does to people is exactly the same as Bernie Madoff did to his investors – take in money from new “investors” and pay back earlier investors when they need the cash back.  The difference is Bernie Madoff is in jail for 150 years and the politicians that starting robbing and continue robbing the social security funds are not in jail.  You tell me why not?  You tell me what exactly is the difference in systems?

What I hope for in 2011 is that more American understand how they are being screwed by this system more so than perhaps any other program in government.

People get all bent out of shape when gas costs $4 a gallon or when is costs $2 at the ATM but they don’t flinch when 15% of their lives are confiscated from them in this ponzi scheme.  Here’s hoping more and more of us put more pressure on the politicians to kill off this dreadful program which when you think about it is more social insecurity than security.  Let’s set a line in the sand even if it’s 25 years from now that at X date this system dies.  Let’s keep the promises to those that have been made promises and let not subject the next generation to this hideous program.

If you were simply permitted to keep the money that is confiscated from you for FICA and instead you invested it yourself as you saw fit, you would surely come out ahead.  Social security is a scam and we’re all being had.  That’s change I’d like to see.

On Employment:

Who owns the job at a company?  You or the company?  People always talk about some company moving their jobs overseas.  The jobs belong to the company, not the person doing the job.  If the company wants to move 100 jobs from one country to another perhaps because taxes are too high, that is their prerogative.  Sure it sucks if you’re the one losing the role but the job holders should not get mad at the company but instead get mad at the politicians who create such an environment where a company needs to relocate tasks and talent.

Who wouldn’t love it if more jobs stayed in the USA and supported local economies?  But when companies are taxed too much they look for greener pastures.  Governments that want to keep employment high would be wise to keep taxes low.  Voters that like employment would be wise to vote in politicians that give plenty of reasons for companies to locate in the USA.  If the USA would lower the corporate tax rate, we would see overseas companies put more offices and facilities in the USA as well.

Politicians talk about creating jobs.  Let’s hope 2011 is the year we get the ball rolling so that more people understand that governments do not create jobs, individuals do.  The best way forward for job growth is to get government out of the way and let the private market flourish.  The more the government twists and turns their knobs, the more it screws things up and the less motivated employers are to invest and expand.

On Health:

Here’s hoping that more and more people enjoy a healthier life by cutting out so much of the crap that they currently consume.  The American diet is horrendous.  Walk into almost any major supermarket and look around.  You will see row after row of processed foods in boxes, frozen pre-cooked crap full of chemicals that just get microwaved.  All crap.  The fresh produce section is some small corner of the store with barely anything fresh.  Americans by and large are overweight and under exercised.  This of course leads to higher medical costs, high rates of diabetes, higher insurance costs, and an generally unhealthy populations.  I recently read that in America today if you take 3 people 1 of them now weighs as much as the other two….  think about that.

It would be great in 2011 to see more of us kick the habit of processed foods (high fructose corn syrup – how nasty is this stuff at why the fuck is it in almost everything?) as much as possible, slim down a bit, cut out so many unnecessary medications, and rev up a healthy and productive lifestyle for all.  We do have a choice in what we ingest.  Where do you think a lifetime of eating crap all the time leads to?

On Retirement:

I feel sorry for the baby boomers now going into their sixtes or beyond that have lost 30% or 40% of their wealth over the past decade.  They’ve worked are their whole lives and did it “right” only to get stuck on the last mile.  The stock market is up something like 2% since 2000 and millions of people that were told to sock it all away in stock and then pull it out later were given lazy advice.

A much better approach for those that can do it is to deal in high cash value life insurance and it’s almost always discouraged by traditional financial planners who don’t seem to really get it.  The earlier you get involved with this I think the better but you can do it at almost any age.    Most people think they need to spend as little as possible on a premium and get as much death benefit as possible with it (think term insurance).  When using whole life insurance as a means of preparing for the future, you do exactly the opposite – you don’t need the huge death benefit when you’re 35 or 40 – you need it when you’re 70 or 80.  So use your most productive years to fund the crap out the policy to build up a solid base that pays dividends and is also a great fall-back if the shit hits the fan (you can always cash it out if you had to).

Take someone that is in their 30’s or 40’s.  They can go out and get a $5000 a year premium on a whole life policy and overfund it with paid up additions in some cases as much as 3x face value.  Do this for 10 years and you’ll be in a position to be essentially your own banker, with a high cash value that you can use to fund other income producing activities (such as rental property) while also taking the appreciation and depreciation on property— all the while building a substantial death benefit that you can leave to your kids tax free – unlike your IRA’s and 401ks.

I’ll cover this subject more in 2011 but for now suffice it to say that when it comes to how to plan for retirement, most of us get bad advice.  Check out this book for great initial info on this subject:

Learning to Avoid Unintended Consequences

On Religion:

This is a touchy subject for so many.  Suffice it to say that all over the world people are killing each other and having insane debates about ancient texts that were essentially written by what would be by today’s standards very uneducated men.  Wherever I travel around the world I see the effects of religion on whole populations and it is a very high wall to knock down.

Let’s see 2011 be the year where more and more people realize that while religion offers many good things to many people, we simply do not need religion to be moral or good.  Religion is a tool of control worldwide and the more you travel the more you will see and understand this.

As Sam Harris so sublimely put it in his book The End of Faith – [paraphrasing] let’s hope the gods of today go the way of Zeus and Apollo or else we’re all screwed.

On the USA:

I think and hope the USA is going through its most cathartic period ever.  We can see clearly what the score is, who’s making the rules and for who’s benefit.  We can see that socialistic systems not only are not American but they also do not work.  We’ve seen it overseas for decades and the results are now on our doorstep.  Greece, Spain, Italy et al – beautiful places all but terrible social systems and the results are now laid bare before the whole world to see.  Is that want we want?  More people than ever on are food stamps in America – is that what we want? Is this really the direction our government thinks is the right way to go?

I’d like to suggest that we think about our selves the way we’re told to handle emergencies on airplanes.  I wrote a short piece on this in 2008 that basically observed that we should first strive to take care of ourselves and then help our fellow man.  The greatest honor you can give your fellow human being is to not be a burden on his life.

The whole thing is cyclical – a society is a group of individuals working together and trading together.  What would be nice is that we here in America are finally seeing what the world looks like if we weaken the individual instead of empowering him to be his best on his own terms.  Let’s make the 2011 the year of less government and more empowerment of each individual.   Working in groups is great (and needed) but groups are made of individuals and you can’t have a strong group without strong individuals.

On sex

Have more sex in 2011 and you’ll be happier and healthier – (yeah Tony – no shit).  Read these two books for a great way to see things in what might be a new way for you.

Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex

Mating in Captivity

On the World:

People always talk about peace on Earth and in the age of the internet it is easy to see in real time what’s going on everywhere.  Who doesn’t want peace on Earth?  Let’s see us pull out troops from Afghanistan and Iraq and let the Middle East solve the problems of the Middle East.  Everyone who goes in to Afghanistan gets sucked into a no-win quagmire for years – and especially with the person we have in office at the moment our poor troops are fighting for sure a losing game.  Yes I’m sure we have strategic interests in natural resources there with pipelines crossing from one part of Asia to another but it’s time for a readjustment in the world of us not having to police the world.  I’d rather see our troops on the US borders frankly and us mining our own natural resources here a bit more.

Also, instead of politicians and governments making promises they cannot keep (or should not be promising in the first place) let’s try to push a more enlightened education of people everywhere to understand that they are sovereign individuals and not part of this group or that group.  Let’s see us use the web more to spread education and possibility.  I read recently that there are 240 million people in the USA on the internet and 420 million in China online (and that is only about 30% penetration for China’s population).

People everywhere can now see what works and what doesn’t when in comes to social systems and power grabs by politicians (Venezuela anyone? – There’s a lesson in how to destroy a country in under 10 years).

Let’s hope that 2011 and beyond will see more focus on the importance of the individual and less importance on the group.  Group mentality is mob mentality.  Let’s see more focus on pride in a job well done instead of people thinking that they must turn to government for their every need.  Let’s work to vote into elected office people who understand that they are not there to do as they please but do as they should.  Let’s see in 2011 if more people can spread the word and the idea that the best way for people to grow and achieve is with government mostly out of the way instead of at every turn.

Here’s to a healthy, prosperous, and sane 2011.  All the best to you.

Tony

Cachaça (and great marketing)

I recently came across an ad for Cabana Cachaça (that most excellent Brasilian spirit made from sugarcane juice) which caught my eye for two reasons.  One was for the below image and two was because the ad directs the viewer to the URL with the words “Uncensored Images and More at….” then prints the URL (see below).  This is brilliant marketing.   To top it all off, when you get there the web site is excellent.  Check it out for yourself:

Cabana Cachaça

Why yes I’d love a Campari

I happen to like Campari and this happens to be the dress of all dresses.